Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I think i got beer on your cat.
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