Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
