my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
