i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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