So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
