I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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