How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Life is so much better after having sex.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
