i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize