So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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