Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
