he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
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We need to start having sex underwater more often.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
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Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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