Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
