her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
no you cant smoke seaweed
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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