It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Dignity is for republicans.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize