I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
