Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
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All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
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It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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