i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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