I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
