Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
