My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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