i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
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Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
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Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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