Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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