and next time when you feel me up, do it right
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
