There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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