i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
