I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
