I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I wish they made helmets for livers.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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