Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
