i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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