He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
