I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
