I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
