Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
