Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
