hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
