Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
