we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
