and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
