Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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