i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
