Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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