Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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