I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
