was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
