so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Randomize
