He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
