This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
