You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
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