i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Randomize
