May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
