That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
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