i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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