I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
