this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
