her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
