I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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