doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
