HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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