He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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