I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I just forgot I was standing up.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
