watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
