Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
