Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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