I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I feel like abortions should bother me more
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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