help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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