Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
