Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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