So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
