Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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